Week 4 Day 25

Just wanted to quickly report a little victory.

I was home alone tonight - boyfriend went to the pub. I hadn't been home long when my doorbell rang. It was my downstairs neighbour - he'd locked himself out, and his girlfriend was out for the evening. So I (obviously) invited him in for a cuppa while he waited for her to return.

I don't know him very well so I was worried it might be awkward, but we ended up comfortably chatting and watching a DVD. He admitted he was planning to order a pizza, so I suggested that he get one sent here.

It was the biggest, fattest, juiciest pizza you've ever seen.

He asked me to share it, but I explained that I was on a diet. And of course he invited me again - it was huge - saying "I don't mean to tempt you, but you're welcome to share it - I won't tell anyone."

"No, it's okay," I replied. "I've been doing this for a month now so I'm living vicariously through other people's eating."

And it's only when I said that that I realised I wasn't tempted. I mean it smelled delicious and truthfully I was tempted for a millisecond - for a millisecond my brain reminded me that I'd had a super-busy stressful work day, and that I had a really busy weekend coming up, and that my boyfriend was out and that no one would know.

Before I did LL, I would use all of these reasons to (consciously) talk myself into Secret Pizza Night.

But by the time I had that thought I was already mixing up my chicken soup pack, and although it was an attractive thought, it was only that - a thought.

I remember a few months before starting LL I was ordering my pizza for Secret Pizza Night and I realised, as I was walking to pick up the phone, that I was dreading it. I really didn't want to do Secret Pizza Night - I never enjoyed it, I felt lousy (physically and about myself) the next day. I knew it was self-destructive.

But I couldn't stop it.

And tonight I had every opportunity to do it again. And I didn't.

See? Little victory.