Week 4 Day 26

Today I started my period and my emotions have been running up and down the negative end of the spectrum all day.

I had my blood pressure checked this morning - you have to get checked every 28 days on LL. I got mine done at the pharmacy - they take 3 readings and count the average. My pharmacist scared the crap out of me by saying my pulse rate had "varied wildly" between very fast and very slow, and that it could indicate a "problem" with my heart, and that some medication that I've been taking for 5 years could damage my heart.

Basically she almost convinced me that I was about to drop dead due to a heart arrythmia.

And of course I got scared because

1) I tend towards hypochondria
2) That lady who died after losing 3 stone on LL had a heart murmur.

So I called the doctor and made an appointment for next week.

Which is when I realised I'd had a really strong espresso that morning before leaving the house - my banana mochaccino.

Which may go some way to explaining it.

It was really strong, too, I think I'm still feeling palpitatey from it. 

I'm keeping the appointment; it's probably best to get this stuff checked, but I feel like I'm moving somewhere positive in my head now, and I really don't want to go back to becoming slightly obsessed with health worries like I was a few weeks ago.

Plus, I've had my pulse checked at the doctor's numerous times before and nothing's been abnormal.

Anyway. I also noticed another thing: I've been feeling a bit wan and tired the last few days, and I've been getting hungry quicklier than normal. For a while I've been "cooking" my evening packs - you're allowed to "cook" one pack a day, and there are loads of recipes floating around on the Minimins forums. So far I've made

• A poppadom
• Veggie burgers
• Crisps

Of course they don't taste anything really like poppadoms, veggie burgers or crisps.  I've made each a few times. The problem with cooking the packs is that you lose some of the nutritional value. Could that be why I'm feeling a bit rubbish? I do feel so exceedingly well when I don't cook them.

I am so sick of soup though.

I think I might cut down on the old soup packs at Sunday's meeting. I'll get some porridge to have at work instead. I won't cook anything for a week and see if that has a difference. It is so great when you feel full of energy.

I was sort of dreading this weekend, because it was going to be incredibly busy and I'm so tired and emotionally rubbish. But my diary for tomorrow has cleared (Sunday is LL meeting day) and it's like the sun has come out!  I am tired, and some lolling on the sofa (lolling on the sofa, this is, not wanting to but doing 20 other things as well) will feature. I want to watch a DVD.

I also don't want to feel crappy and as though I haven't achieved anything by the end of the day. So I'm going to do some stuff for *me*. Not for others - not tell myself I'm having a "spa day" for "me time" when in reality I'm just softening my skin, shinyfiing my hair so that I'm "acceptable to others".  Indulge a couple of my hobbies, that sort of thing.

Basically, I'm going to ask myself what I feel like doing. And then I'm going to do it. Which is actually harder than it sounds.