Week 2 Day 10

I have solved the Case of the Mysterious Hunger: it was the tablets I took to soothe my belly after it had a fight with the LL peanut bar. The tablets contain sucrose, which is all kinds of verboten on the programme (apparently most people get this talk when they join but because I joined 2 weeks after the rest of my group I think my LLC forgot).

But sucrose can knock you out of ketosis. So it was the sucrose in the library with the candlestick.

But! I'm not out of ketosis! Today I invested in some Ketostix (Litmus paper thingies you pee on; you can buy a tub from the chemist for about £5) and mine went cranberry again, which means I was in ketosis and somewhat dehydrated. It is harder to chug water when it's colder.

Today was fine - woke up about 30 minutes before my alarm went off and couldn't get back to sleep so I pootled around blearily then went to work. Energy levels were fine; didn't have my first pack until almost lunchtime.

Then a lovely guy from my work sidled up to my desk and whispered "I hear you're on the old Lighter Life" out of the side of his mouth: turns out he did it earlier this year and lost four stone in seven weeks. Mad. He didn't do Route to Management because he felt he'd learned everything he needed to know, and he's kept the weight off. He couldn't recommend LL more highly, and said it's really changed his outlook on life:

• He almost instinctively makes healthy choices now
• His approach has inspired his wife to start eating healthily
• And they make sure their kids eat more healthily too
• His tastebuds have changed; he used to love Chinese food and Diet Coke but can't stand them now
• He eats treats and junk food now and again, but he takes his time over them and really enjoys them so he's properly satisfied
• He only eats proper chocolate now (I suppose he means posh chocolate....)
• He told me how to make a poppadom out of the soup pack (I remain unconvinced)
• He warned me not to go swimming or play rugby while on the plan; he almost passed out. So I won't be doing that, especially not the rugby.

It was all really useful and he's a lovely chap. Sort of big and burly but not overweight at all. And it turned out I'd nicked his mug (it had his name on and everything) but he didn't mind.

I had a long work day, and had three of my packs there:

1. Porridge
2. Vegetable soup
3. Mushroom soup

Because I was going to see my LLC and swap some packs after work. It was a really intense work day, with lots of head-down projecty thinky work, and I noticed that I got hungrier sooner when I'd been doing thinky work, as opposed to when I'd just been in a meeting or something.

Plus I've been pretty active all day - gallivanting around at lunchtime, plus walking (about half a mile) to see my LLC afterwards. Didn't feel faint or anything, but I have noticed in the last few months (where I've just been eating indiscriminately) I have felt slower and heavier. Part of that is undoubtedly the problem with my legs/ankles. Normally I go charging around at a clipping pace, so to have to slow down is quite depressing. Today I felt slow and heavy and lumbery still, but I'm just trying to relax into it and hope it'll get better as I lose weight.

But I've been pretty much either walking around with a heavy bag or sitting and thinky-working from about 7.30am to 7.30pm, and I don't feel any the worse for it. A bit tired, or perhaps the feeling that I should be tired. Had my last pack (cold choco-banana) at 8ish and have just finished a cup of Earl Grey (since I can have it).

At my pop-in (LL encourages these cutesy sort of names; I'm already thinking of the other women in my group as 'ladies') I ran into a girl from my group. When I first met her I was intimidated by her tales of going for runs and being active and fabulous in her first week, and because I "only" lost 4lbs at my first weigh-in I'm half-convinced I'm going to be the sickly little small-weight-loss-and-lots-of-minor-health-problems girl; the runt of my group. But the girl, who - it grieves me and my snap-judgment prejudices to say - had struck me as excessively hale and hearty and opinionated, told me she's been having health problems and hasn't really seen any weight loss until recently. It's not schadenfreude exactly - I really liked her, and I think she does look slimmer - but nice to know I'm not alone in my wondering if this is all ever going to take off.

I want to see changes NOW NOW NOW, you see. I want to see a new, slimmer me every time I look in the mirror. But today my clothes felt looser and the pendant my boyfriend gave me a few weeks ago is sitting lower on my chest.

I think I'm going to have to engage patience mode and, perhaps, start thinking about things that aren't Lighter Life. Managed to sit through a cookery programme tonight so maybe that's a sign that I'm on the road to being able to Be in Company again.