Saturday, 3 October 2009

Things I'm going to miss about being overweight

  1. Boobs. I never really had 'em before I put on weight and they're slowly deflating. Ah well, looking like a 12 year old boy (and not a Curvy Lady) is a small price to pay for your health and happiness.

  2. My capacity for alcohol. Again, never really had it before I gained weight! I think it's all that room in your stretched belly that has allowed me to neck bottle after bottle of Corona on nights out. Ah well, can always switch to shorts.

  3. Those long acres of time where you don't depilate or wax because you're not planning to show your legs to anyone.

  4. People thinking I'm nice and jolly. I don't know why people think fat folk are all sunbeams and cake recipes. Santa Claus complex, I call it. However, I feel quite awkward and prickly on the inside so it sort of smooths relations when people assume I'm all cuddly and don't see me as a threat. A new challenge in the great adventure of being a friend to myself. Oh god I sound like the green LL book!

  5. Um...

  6. Er...
Yep, that's pretty much it.

Things I won't miss.
  1. Those intense waves of self-loathing that sweep over me every time I catch sight of my reflection.

  2. Being so bloody hungry all the time.

  3. Not wearing the clothes I like - just the ones that hide me.

  4. Going swimming or joining a yoga class without being worried that everyone will think "oh look, fattie's trying to get fit" when I walk in.

  5. Heavy, cover-up clothes in summer.

  6. The almost incapacitating summer sweats. You know the ones I mean.

  7. Not worrying that people think I'm useless and have no self-control when they meet me.

  8. Avoiding photographs.

  9. Hurty ankles.

  10. Long flights of stairs being The Enemy.

  11. Avoiding going out to pretty-dress type events because I'm worried about looking like an auntie.

  12. Bad asthma.

  13. Bad back.

  14. Joint pain.

  15. Sugar crashes.

  16. Feeling miserable every time I meet a slim girl with the same height and colouring.


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