Sunday, 4 October 2009

Week 4 Day 28: 4th LL meeting

Today was my 4th LL meeting - it would have been my fifth, but I was away last weekend.

Everyone in my group is looking slimmer. I was quite optimistic about my weight loss - half of my clothes are falling off me and Boyfriend has been pinching various bits of me this week and commenting on my svelteness - I can see the difference - my boobs have disappeared and one of my chins has emerged victorious from the pile! Actually I have the face of a skinny person now.

But according to the LL scales I've only lost 1.4lbs.

BUT I suspect I've not been drinking enough water, my TOTM is with me, and I had that adventure in more-bars-per-day-than-strictly-allowed last weekend. And I'm small so my losses will be small, too.

Still. Bit disappointed.

Group was good though. We explored "crooked thinking" a bit more - and how you can't control what happens, but you can control how you react to it. The trick is to catch yourself when you think an automatic thought like "oh I'm rubbish" and examine the evidence for it. I found it really useful and I think just opening my eyes to it now will help me become more aware of it.

I am very prone to this sort of thinking. So my LLC has set me a task: every day, at the end of the day, I have to write down 3 things I've done well during the day. After a while I suppose you build up enough evidence to convince you that you're not rubbish after all.

I also talked to my LLC about RTM, after asking innocuously in group about when everyone was planning to start RTM (they're all two weeks ahead of me). And I got some very vague shifty-eyed responses which, I think, mean "I'm not doing RTM but I'm not bloody telling you that."

Anyway, I talked to my LLC and explained that I really didn't see myself doing the full 12 weeks, not least because I'm going on holiday in February and am buggered if I'll diet while I'm away. She said this was totally fine.

My group finish Foundation at the end of November: if I've lost the remaining 2.5+ stone by then I can either go onto LLL to lose the rest, or go straight onto RTM and do a condensed version with the goal of reaching my goal weight by the end of December. Which means I may be able to have some Christmas food.

She also said that if I complete RTM I can pop back after my holiday to pick up a few packs if I've put on some weight, and that once I'm finished I can always come back for sessions. I didn't realise Management was actually a thing, but it's a whole programme. And it's free for all ex-LLers!

I'm really relieved as I was worried that I'd be pushed into the full 12 weeks of RTM, or tossed out into the cold. I didn't realise it was flexible enough to fit around my plans (and I was worried that my "plans" were actually self-sabotage. That said, I really don't want to do the 12 weeks - I don't, my various adult selves and child selves don't either).

So I got some new packs - no soups, but lots of bars, hot shakes and porridges. I tried the lemon bar during the meeting - palatable but now my stomach is extremely windy and quite uncomfortable. Hope this doesn't go on for too much longer as I have a very early start tomorrow. Also feeling a bit coldy and rubbish so will close and head off to bed. Or the loo. Whichever comes first.

So in essence, hurrah! But bleh.


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