Thoughts on weight loss, group dynamics, self-esteem and expectations

It just occurred to me that I always shied away from group weight loss programmes like Weight Watchers largely because they were, well, group endeavours. I just didn't want to talk about my weight issues - certainly not in a group of people.

And of course in Weight Watchers there isn't that counselling aspect, there's just the getting weight (as far as I understand) in front of everybody, and then the inevitable talking about it. I don't like groups. I don't like being overweight. I don't like mixing the two. I always thought that

• I would feel left out
• I wouldn't connect with anyone
• They would think I was weird
• I wouldn't lose as much as everyone else
• They would all bond and I'd be left out

Basically I thought they'd all be grouped in a cosy corner losing weight and coming up with strategies supporting each other, and that I'd be failing of my own.

But you know what? I joined my Lighter Life group late - so they'd bonded for 2 weeks before I got there. I have little in common with them. And they are all losing much more weight per week than I have so far.

But one lady took my number and called me one day when she was having a difficult time of it. A couple of the other ladies and I seem to get on well. And none of these things have affected the way I feel about my weight loss. I didn't think oh I'd better stop now at any point.

At any point.

It's been really difficult, I've had a few slip-ups (the sucrose tablets, the cinnamon), I haven't lost as much per week as I expected to per week, and I've been tempted to eat, but it's never actually crossed my mind to quit.

And that's something.

Historically I haven't been brilliant about prioritising my own wellbeing, but it did get to the point, when my ankles were hurting every time I took a couple of steps, and I was gazing wistfully at young women, as I've mentioned, that I thought I deserve to feel better than this.

I deserve. To feel better. Than this.